Weekday afternoon. Hookerlily took off from her work. Being a whore is so shiok right? And we had brunch at 2pm. Actually we went to Strictly Pancakes first but they only open at 6pm on Monday! So we went down to eM By the River because it is not common to have all day breakfast restaurants in Singapore.
We only knew the brunch places by checking Brad Lau (ironladychef). He wrote that he loves Brunch! I was thinking like, such a redundant thing to say, all gay men like brunch what. Gay men invented brunch! Then I went to Facebook to see if we have common friends (because you know the gay scene is small) and realized we have no common friends! You know what is more shocking to discover ironLADYchef is a man? It’s to discover he is not gay, he’s straight! SO shocking. OMG, so he’s just gay-acting, but he’s straight. Please don’t call him fag again, people. Brad and I have so much in common! He’s a girly man and I’m a gay ah beng! We are outcasts of the society!
She ordered Eggs Benedict ($15), I orderd Eggs Royale ($17) (because I’m Kate Gold-digger Middleton) and we shared sauteed mushrooms ($6). I said to the China waitress, “Can I have eggs roy-YELL please?” Suffice to say, she was not amused.
So I changed a different tact and requested seriously, “Can we have two glasses of water please?”
She said, “Self-service at the counter.” I don’t want to complain about the service because there is nothing to complain about. She had no sense of humor; she did everything right; but she just wasn’t friendly. It’s just a job, and I understand it, so I shan’t be a Complain Drag Queen here. But compared to the barista/bartender who serves drinks, she is really put down. He’s so polite and nice. He poured out our drinks. When patrons asked for water, he went to get it for them.
Back to the food. Difference between Egg Benedict and Egg Royale is one is a pig (ham), the other is a fish (smoked salmon). Can I just note for the record I’m a big, big fan of Hollandaise sauce? Known as the mother of all French haute cuisine sauces, it is notoriously difficult to make because eggs, a main ingredient in the sauce, get scrambled when heated. Even though the sauce was delicious, my Egg Royale was uneven in taste, some parts salty, other parts bland, but I also think the unevenness in taste made the half-burger awesome. It’s like SURPRISE! You will never know what you’ll get. The bun was toasted and buttered so perfectly that it was crispy and soft soaked up entirely in butter that it was irresistible. We also thought the poached eggs were excellently done. It was viscous and not overly runny, so when it broke, the yolk would flow very slowly into the bun and be absorbed. But I like yolks, so I took it to my mouth and suck it dry! YEAH BABY! YEAH!
Hookerlily wanted more. So we ordered Mini Cheese Burger ($20):
Wanna see how mini? Compare with my piano-playing sissy finger:
According to Hookerlily, the fries were awesome! But I can’t judge because I’m not a potato queen. I’m gay ok? And ALL gay men don’t like carbs. But the burger was rather good, juicy and tasty with fresh crunchy veg. Not as good as the poached eggs though.
Then, all of a sudden, 14K dropped by. I was surprised! He must have missed me very much. I can’t help being charming. He doesn’t like eggs so he ordered rosti with additional sausage ($14+$5):
If you wonder why this pic is different from the rest, it’s because we moved to another table since 14K wanted to smoke. So the rosti turned up ugly on photo. 14K said that the rosti was cold inside, and very oily. It was very bad. I cannot vouch for it, since I didn’t get to taste it. I didn’t taste it because 14K doesn’t like to share utensils.
I used to think, being the cheapskate that I am, it is not worth paying $20 for eggs. Come on, you can get 10 eggs at supermarket for $2. But eating at eM By the River (hate the pretentious “eM”), I didn’t mind paying the money. There was a certain atmosphere here. Could be the laid-back but classy outdoors decor; could be the river; could be the jazz music; could be the clientele (mostly whites, Japanese tai-tais, expats). It really felt quite good, very comfortable. But tip: no matter how hot the day is, don’t order coke. it’s $6 a can! That’s about 15 times the cost price of Coke!
eM By the River
1 Nanson Rd #01-05
T: 6836 9691
Rating: 4.197/5 stars